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Not all marriages end inhappily ever after.
Some end in divorce and others might end when one partner passes away.
She worried that it was a sign of himnot committing fully.
Bored Pandasought the expertise of Iris Arenson-Fuller, a Certified, Credentialed Professional Coach.
She has many years of experience working with grieving people, and kindly agreed to lend us her expertise.
As a widow whos successfully remarried now, she can empathize with her clients on a personal level.
It would be extremely hurtful to most current spouses, the coach explains.
Open communication is of the utmost importance.
The past cannot take center stage, but cannot and should not be erased.
That can be very destructive to [the] emotional health of the individual and to the marriage.
Arenson-Fuller recommends not comparing the new spouse to the old.
Also, dont bring up memories as ammunition in a disagreement, she says.
Dont share any details about your sex life with your deceased spouse, she adds.
Using the term my wife in conversation often causes confusion and resentment, he notes.
The new spouse has NO obligation to uphold the memory of the late wife, he emphasizes.
Thats why Keogh has two pieces of advice for women who are either dating or married to a widower.
Firstly, they should expect the boyfriend/husband to act like a single or a divorced man.
He should be proud of you and the relationship and make you number one in his heart and mind.
Secondly, women should speak up about the things they dont like.
If the photos of the late wife bother you, say something!
If he talks too much about the late wife, speak up!
If he makes you feel like youre competing with a ghost, tell him!
What you permit, you promote.
Check out the results:
