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Parenting a teenagercan be hard.
Adolescents lash out at their parents, experience frequent mood disruptions, and act out by exhibiting rebellious behavior.
Its all part of growing up and becoming an adult.
It might be the period when kids need their parents the most.
Ironically, its also when they want to distance themselves as much as possible.
Teenagers can also often speak before they think and hurt their parents.
Likethis son, who told his mom his life would be better if he didnt have a mom.
Extremely hurt, the mom decided to punish him by refusing to take care of him.
But when her mother-in-law called her decision abusive, she asked others whether herparenting methodswere appropriate.
Teens say all sorts of hurtful things, from I hate you!
and I wish you werent my mother!
to I am going to run away!
In the heat of the moment, it might seem like they really mean it.
Sara Bean, M.Ed., writes forEmpowering Parentsthat such hurtful words are not about the parents at all.
Teens use them when they have a problem and they dont know how to solve it.
Ashley Hudson, LMFT,writesthat this is sometimes the way teens have a go at establish their independence.
Teens have a biological instinct to pull away from their parents.
Its a normal milestone in the developmentalstage of adolescence, Laura Choate Ed.D., LPC, writes forPsychology Today.
However, teens can also use hurtful words because it gives them power.
!, they might want to do it in the future again.
After all, who doesnt want to feel powerful at least once in a while?
Phrases like I hate you!
or I wish I didnt have a mom!
can trigger feelings of unappreciation for parents.
Thats why experts recommend never responding to a teenager lashing out in the heat of the moment.
Tit for tat is not an appropriate plan here either.
Snapping back at the teen signals to them that emotional immaturity is okay.
Saying something hurtfulin response sends your child the message that you are not in control, Sara Bean writes.
It shows your child that the way to handle verbal attacks is to launch a verbal counterattack.
However, as tempting as they may be, punishments might also be off the table.
It wont teach them to not say hurtful things to others.
Harsh punishments will only teach them to do time and will breed resentment towards you, Bean writes.
Consequences do not always speak for themselves.
You have to step up to the plate and be your childs coach.
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