Designing your living space is a great exercise in compromise and can be a wonderful bonding experience.
But if youre both stubborn, it can also create huge issues in the relationship.
One man recentlyreached outto Reddit to complain after his wife turned their kitchen into an aesthetic yet impractical space.
He doesnt let her do anything.
He agrees to it implicitly or explicitly, Dr. McMahon explained.
This one is acting like no exception, she explained.
Its about power, at least for him.
Why didnt he just speak up when the first designer flourish appeared?
Even then, the self-absorbed witch wont eat them.
She doesnt deserve him, Dr. McMahon continued.
But wait, does he know his wife doesnt like leftovers?
Heres my take-away from this man: He sees himself as an easy-going guy who tries to be cooperative.
He believes hes been pushed to his limits.
He believes his wife is being unreasonable.
Hes deeply resentful and passive aggressive.
He doesnt see his role in the situation hes in in his marriage.
That I want veto power over.
That would put his desires out front from the start, she explained.
But this is something I have learned that men who talk like this simply wont do.
But we ask ourselves, Why?
Why didnt he just speak up when the first designer flourish appeared?
Dr. McMahon says that how you push back against your partner really matters.
My hunch is that this guy builds stuff up until he cant take it anymore and explodes.
Quietly, maybe, but it still shows.
That is problem number one.
This couple needs to learn how to fight
So what should couples do instead?
Dont let it build up.
Learn how to complain early and often, the expert shared.
According to John Gottman, a couples researcher, men arent usually skilled at complaining.
Women make up 80% of the total complaints in a marriage.
Men need to learn how to do it, and do it more.
Issue two concerns his response to his wifes tears, Dr. McMahon added.
He acts like they are Kryptonite, reducing his strength.
Women can cry for all kinds of reasons.
He implies that she is manipulating him with her tears.
This might be the case, and its worth having a serious conversation about.
Being manipulative is a serious charge.
If he doesnt think its manipulation or Kryptonite, maybe he plays a role?
Did he let her have her way and only move them to do his periodic meal prep?
Did he box up the knick-knacks and leave them in the hallway?
I dont know about her issues because they are all his view, but wow.
He feels contempt toward this woman.
Forget about the decorative plates.
This couple needs to learn how to fight, she added.
Check out the results:
