My best friend of 24 years has been amazing at holding my hand and listening.
But even though shes a multi-millionaire, she hasnt helped me financially.
How do I ask her for financial help without coming across as entitled?
I (F56) have been best friends with Ana (F62) for 24 years.
Ive known her husband even longer, and hes wonderful.
But right now, our life situations couldnt be more different.
This sometimes happens as the body becomes accustomed to them.
And here we are, three years later, and I still havent found a new treatment that works.
Ive tried every antidepressant it’s possible for you to think of.
I tried TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) and ketamine infusions.
I even tried ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy, or electroshock).
Ive been hospitalized twice and still think about suicide every day because Im drowning in depression and anxiety.
I applied for Social Security Disability and was denied, so I filed an appeal.
I understood their perspective and accepted it.
But Im haunted by overwhelming anxiety that Ill end up homeless.
Even though I clearly meet the governments definition of disabled, they could still deny all my appeals.
It happens to people.
And even if I qualify, disability benefits in the U.S. are barely enough to cover rent.
Im meditating and trying to accept whats beyond my control, but Ill admit, Im terrified.
I think about homelessness, and I just feel desperate.
I dont think I could handle it, not when Im already in so much pain.
As for Ana, her life is going great!
But thats not what upsets me.
There have been times in our 24-year friendship when I was doing well, and she was struggling.
Over the course of a long friendship, things change and fluctuate.
Weve always been a team, and Im genuinely happy for her when shes thriving.
Sometimes, she takes me to a movie.
Occasionally, she and her husband invite me to the theater.
Theyre lovely, generous people, and I feel valued, loved, and accepted by them.
Ana and I text each other long, thoughtful messages throughout the day.
I dont mean moving in with them or expecting them to pay my rent for life.
I understand that people have different perspectives on money.
Ana grew up with financial insecurity, and I think its a sensitive topic for her.
(It would be easy to blame her husband.
He grew up wealthy and may have a different outlook, but hes also very kind and generous.
Im not sure if the unhealthy dependence idea came from him.)
In my familys culture, we shared what we had.
Part of the joy of having money was being able to help others.
Those values stayed with me.
If the roles were reversed, I would be brainstorming ways to help Ana.
Should I buy her a condo, RV, trailer, or mobile home?
Id be reassuring her that she would NEVER be homeless on my watch.
And I would have done this two years ago!
I would never let my best friend suffer this kind of anxiety if I had the power to help.
She knows how bad things are.
Thats what I dont understand: how can someone who loves you so much not offer help?
Maybe I am being entitled.
After writing all this out, Im angry.
What kind of love is that?
I dont want to hurt or lose Ana.
But I dont think I can keep pretending Im not this angry.
And if things keep going downhill, Ill lose her anyway, right?
I doubt shell be picking me up from a homeless shelter for brunch.
So, I might as well speak my mind now.
These feelings are valid, and its okay to acknowledge them.
Here are some things to consider as you navigate this situation:
1.
Understanding her past with money might provide context, but it doesnt necessarily make the situation easier to accept.
However, remember that relationships can stay strong even when financial support isnt part of the dynamic.
Are there other friends, community resources, or local assistance programs that might help bridge the gap?
Empower Yourself by Building ResilienceYouve faced immense challenges already and shown incredible strength.
Remember: Theres No Entitlement in Seeking HelpNeeding help doesnt make you entitled; it makes you human.
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