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Everyday Situations & Life Jokes
1.)
I just saw my neighbor talking to himself in the mirror.It looks like they are looking surprised.
My boss told me to have a good day…So I went home.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.She seemed surprised.
My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes…So I hugged him.
I just got a job at a mirror factory.I could really see myself working there.
I cant believe I got fired from the calendar factory.All I did was take a day off.
My grandfathers last words were I buried a million dollars under…Then he went silent.
Wordplay & Puns
11.)
I used to hate facial hair…But then it grew on me.
I put my root beer in a square glass.Now its just beer.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?Fsh.
I entered ten puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win.Sadly, no pun in ten did.
If you rearrange the letters, I l l, you get Ill. What do you call a fake strawberry?An impasta.
How do you make holy water?You boil the hell out of it.
Id tell you a chemistry joke…But I wouldnt get a reaction.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger…Then it hit me.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?Hes all right now.
Animal & Nature Jokes
21.)
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?Pouch potato.
What do you call a snail on a ship?A snailor.
My parents named me Rose.Rose is Naming Your Dog… What do you call something green and fuzzy?Grass.
I was diagnosed with having the heart of a lion.Im glad, my other heart was wearing thin.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?Because they lactose.
My phone fell in the toilet.Now its taking liquid calls.
Parallel lines have so much in common…Its a shame theyll never meet.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?Nothing, they just waved.
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?A carrot.
Pop Culture & Professions
31.)
A legionnaire walks into a bar and asks for a beer.The bartender says, I cant serve you.
Why did the pirate go to AA?Because he had a treasure chest.
I just broke up with my coffee machine…I found out it was using other grounds.
I was going to tell a joke about boxing…But I forgot the punchline.
Why dont eggs tell jokes?Because they might crack up.
I told my suitcase that there would be no vacations this year.Now Im dealing with emotional baggage.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?He just needed a little space.
I used to be a baker, but I couldnt make enough dough.So now I loaf around.
I went on a date with a tennis player.Love means nothing to her.
Bonus Random Jokes!
A drug dealer fell into a cement mixer.Hes Just Saying No.
I just had my bag stolen.Now I need a new one.
I fell off a cliff.I dont know what to do now.
I tried to catch some fog yesterday.Mist.
Why did the man fall off the ladder?Because he couldnt see the rungs.
What happens when you eat too many spaghetti jokes?You get a pun-stipation.
I asked my dog whats two minus two…He said nothing.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger…Then it hit me.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?Hes all right now.
Id tell you a chemistry joke…But I wouldnt get a reaction.
Which joke made you laugh the most?
